Happier Holidays

This year, the holidays have been a bit of a mixed bag of emotions for me. 

I don’t know if it’s because of the diminishing (sun)light this time of year, the political climate that continues to divide the nation, or the abundance of disparities that thrive in the city where I live. 

I count my blessings and acknowledge that I live a life with some degree of privilege. And by privilege, to me, this means having the means and freedom to travel abroad, own a beautiful home with my handsome hubster (Eric), and be gainfully employed (hopefully until my retirement age). 

Many components of my life wouldn’t be possible without my loving partner, the Posse, family, and other supportive friends; in no particular order. When you hear the word “wealth”, most people would assume they are talking of the financial kind; something I have never had much of in my life. That kind of “generational” wealth is a myth for most Black families. The type of wealth I do have, lies mainly within social capital I’ve developed over my lifetime, and I am immensely appreciative to have this currency. 

Not everyone is as fortunate. When the holidays begin to flood our sensory portals, too soon after summer ends in my opinion, it can become a constant reminder of loss and other trauma. The “Happy Holidays” as they are broadcast, really require us to be mindful of those around us. Growing up in North Carolina and Virginia, for our big family holiday meals, my mother would extend an invitation to a new neighbor or church friend. She always wanted to make sure the “strays” as she would affectionately call these folks, had a place they could go and feel welcome. That idea has stuck with me and is something I continue to do in my adult life. 

These times of comfort and joy seem to be so hard right now for so many and if you have children, that burden increases exponentially. Food costs still continue to creep up slightly from last year, and the cost of living increases remain generally absent in salaries of certain occupations with statistically non-diploma earning low-wage workers. Here in Oregon, and likely in other states too, the need for food assistance continues to rise, putting a further strain on those requesting help and on the organizations providing aid. Then add the psychological pressures on a parent or parents to provide a gift for little Johnny or Suzy under the tree if there is one, making it a season of despair.  

It’s not all gloom and doom. Luckily in Portland, we are fortunate to be a part of a generous community of philanthropic do-gooders. We have local media stations such KGW pitching in for their annual toy drive to help spread some joy to area children. My office also collects unwrapped toys and participates in annual donation campaigns for local charities. 

I guess, what I’m trying to say is that no one is in this life alone during this season of giving. Someone may choose to distance themselves from others, but for those who want or need help, there are people available and willing to do so. 

It can feel very lonely during the holidays for some people. Having to navigate festivities after a recent long term breakup, divorce, or death, when you were previously part of a duo and now are a solo, can be awkward and uncomfortable. I remember what that was like after ending a long term relationship in my 30s. Was I a failure? What would my/our friends think? Will I still be included in dinners and events? These and other thoughts floated in my head. 

If your friends are true, they will surround you with support rather than suspicion. I was lucky during this low point in my life and 20 years later, those friendships still remain dear to me. 

We all have the power to create happier holiday memories for others through the generosity of kindness and compassion. It’s so easy to get caught up in the hype of capitalistic commercialism. Don’t get me wrong, getting something shiny and new any time of year is always appreciated, I just no longer have an expectation in terms of a material item. Besides, if I really want or need something I’ll get it myself. Or, I’d put it out into the universe. For example, like getting people to please buy my poetry book. 😏

In the hustle and bustle of the holidays, it’s difficult to slow down and take notice of others in our surroundings. When we do, there’s an opportunity to help make this time of year a season of happier memories for everyone.